


foreign language

by soulfriend



Category: New Mutants (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Canon Compliant (for now), Hurt/Comfort, Other, advancing my autistic doug agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27707126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulfriend/pseuds/soulfriend
Summary: Doug couldn't understand her, and that terrified him.Doug processes his feelings about the events of Excalibur #14. So does Warlock.
Relationships: Douglas Ramsey/Warlock (New Mutants)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	foreign language

Doug couldn’t understand her.

Doug couldn’t understand her, and that terrified him.

Of course, he wasn’t going to let it show. He lied about how he found her  _ fascinating _ , how he’d never experienced anything like it, as if she was some puzzle he was dying to figure out. And, sure, maybe he did feel that way a little. But it wasn’t because he was simply intrigued by a mystery. It came more from an innate panic, from his desperate need to  _ understand. _

Bei would speak to him, and his mind would go blank, and he’d feel utterly and completely lost. It all sounded like gibberish, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t even begin to find a pattern in her words. And, of course, Apocalypse and Saturnyne could understand her, so he knew it was possible, but he just  _ couldn’t _ , and there was not a thing he could do about it.

The feeling was horrifyingly familiar.

When his powers had manifested, he’d never thought he would feel like this again. After a childhood of everyone seeming to speak a language he didn’t understand, years of every social interaction feeling like a game he didn’t know the rules of, his mutation felt like a divine gift. Like his vision had suddenly gone from black and white to color. It all just made  _ sense. _

Ever since then, there hadn’t been a language he couldn’t understand. Sure, some of them took a little more effort upon his first exposure, but he was always able to figure it out. Nothing could describe the relief, the confidence he’d felt after that realization. No more having to worry about missing a word or two because someone talked too fast, or misinterpreting their tone of voice, or being expected to just know what they meant by their body language. Sure, he’d went from one kind of freak to another, but now he could translate it all into something his brain understood.

And yet, here he was again. Back to not understanding, never knowing what to say, what to do. And now he was  _ married _ to her. Trapped. He was drowning, and every interaction with her felt like desperately gasping for air.

It was better than dying again, he supposed.

But at least death was something he understood.

* * *

“Warlock, you okay, buddy?”

No response. But Doug knew something was wrong, he could feel it. They’d been soulmerged for so long that it was a sixth sense; Warlock’s emotions were just an extension of his own.

“I know something’s up. Talk to me, pal.”  _ Hurry, before Bei comes back. _

Something in his right arm flickered, and then Warlock was there, wrapping himself around Doug.

“Self doesn’t know what Self is feeling. Self is… sad?” Warlock tilted his head. “But also mad.”

“It’s okay, I’ll help you,” Doug said. Not being able to put words to his emotions was something he had more than enough experience in. “Who are you mad at?”

“Selfsoulfrienddoug’s heartmate. Bei.” Doug felt a little pang at Warlock referring to someone else as his heartmate, even though it wasn’t really true.

“Okay, we can work with that,” he said. “Why are you mad at her?” Warlock wrapped around to Doug’s other arm, merging himself into his hand.

“Self wants Selfsoulfriend for only Self,” Warlock replied. Doug could hear the sadness in his voice. “But now Self has to share Soulfrienddoug with someone else.”

Doug raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like you’re jealous.”

Warlock was silent for a moment. “At first, when Soulfriend tried to explain human love to Self, Self did not understand. But now Self thinks Self knows what it feels like. To be in love.”

Doug knew. Oh, he knew. He could feel the love Warlock felt for him as if it was his own, the fierce protectiveness, how Doug was Warlock’s and Warlock was his. The panic he felt at that being taken away. The depth of it was almost overwhelming to Doug.

He stroked a finger back and forth over his/Warlock’s arm. “It wasn’t my choice. You know I don’t really love her, right? As soon as this is all over, everything can go back to normal.”  _ I hope. _

“Self hopes.” Of course, there was no hiding anything from Warlock. But Doug wouldn’t want it any other way.

“If it doesn’t, we’ll find a way. Okay?”  _ We have to. _

A hand emerged from his/Warlock’s arm, and it tightly clasped Doug’s own. Doug felt that same love swell up in his chest.

However lost he felt, at least this time he wasn’t alone.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3 find me on tumblr @samberto!


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